Doodler of My Life

I was driving down the street today and my mind was camping around expectations in this newest season of life~my expectations of myself, the expectations of others of what a "good life and productive life" should be, expectations of society of what is "the thing to do" with your life.  As usual my thoughts were becoming quite conflicted and overwhelming on the topic, feeling pulled this way and that. 

Suddenly, I felt God telling me that all of those "other" expectations were not what I should be considering.  I saw a vision of my grandkids Doodle Pro (new version of the old Etch-a-Sketch).  The Doodler has a bar along the side, when slidden across, erases the content of the board.  I saw scribbles all over the little pink Doodler, representative of  "expectations",  and then the bar slid across, all content gone, the board cleared and it was like God was telling me,

                    Now let's start with My vision for you for this season, the path I have for you". 

Enough said.  One Word from God and peace came and my heart settled.  I don't know the content of His vision for me during this season, but He does and He'll be faithful to draw it out for me in the ways and times that He sees fit.

And Yet Another Change

It's been a long time since I've written anything on this blog.  Actually, the last post I made we were in the process of being transferred with Kerry's job.  We were transferred to the panhandle region of Texas the end of October, 2010 and here we are less than 20  months later and we have been transferred back to where we came from. 

Our season in the panhandle was mixed with trials and blessings.  It would be hard to recap the last 20 plus months in this post but suffice to say, we grew and learned much in those days.  Some lessons were sandpaper while others were oil from Heaven and all were used of God for our growth and blessing and His greater glory. 

I want to thank God for a sweet friend He sent my way during that season.  I know, though we only spent a brief time together in Pampa, this is a friendship bathed in God's love and will last across the miles.  Thank you God and thank you, Leslie. 

We are now back in Midland.  We were moved in last Thursday and spent Friday at the hospital waiting the arrival of our fourth beautiful grandbaby.  Aww, now that's a blessing.   

I'm still trying to unpack and decorate our new home.  I love the new home, but with each move I find I need to be rid of some things in the house to better fit our newest environment.  My sister is having a garage sale and has invited me to join her or maybe I invited myself, either way, I'm loading up the truck and planning to make extra spending money for vacation.  I'm afraid we'll look like the Beverly Hillbillies as we go to her house, but at least things will be lightened around the house.

Life can follow the same needed pattern.  Much like evaluating a new home environment to see what fits and what doesn't, there are times in life to re-evaluate our inner life surroundings as well.  It's probably time to purge my heart of some clutter that's been gathering.  Too bad I can't send it to a garage sale also and make some money off it.  =)  But, I am sure to gain much in the way of peace and joy as I cleanse my heart as well as my home.

CHANGE AND POSSESSING

It's been quite some time since I've blogged anything. I'm going to give this another try.

I never know what I will write about until I sit down at the computer and my fingers touch the keys...so here goes.

Change is in the air. I've known it in my spirit for a year now. I don't know what God has around the corner, but I know it's getting close. In reality life is full of change, sometimes it's small changes that you hardly notice and other times the changes are large and impact your life in immediate and profound ways. I like change for the most part. I am often too easily bored.

Change is in large part an adventure in trusting our God with the details of our lives. Through change and many other things, I've learned and continue to learn to trust God's love for me, His wisdom, His will for my life, His sovereignty. Without a trust that is constantly in the process of being solidified, change would be overpowering. With a growing trust in the aspects of God's character listed above that I cling to, many changes have meant "adventure"-an adventure with God.

There have been and will be some changes in this life, that are painful. Some come through loss, betrayal, and illness. These are not an adventure that has made me "giddy" with anticipation, but they are still an adventure with God of another nature. Through these, God has continued His work in me-refining me, purifying me, maturing me. I do not like them AT ALL in the moment, but when I have come through it and am on the other side, I find peace in what God has been doing in my life through it.

I've been re-reading A. W. Tozer's, The Pursuit of God. In Chapter Two, The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing, he writes about the creation of man, "In the deep heart of man was a shrine where none but God was worthy to come." He continues, "Our woes began when God was forced out of His central shrine and things were allowed to enter [the shrine]. Within the human heart things have taken over. Men have now by nature no peace within their hearts, for God is crowned there no longer, but there in the moral dusk, stubborn aggressive usurpers fight among themselves for first place on the throne."

"This is not a mere metaphor, but an accurate analysis of our real spiritual trouble. There is within the human heart a tough, fibrous root of fallen life whose nature is to possess, always to possess. It covets things with a deep fierce passion. The pronouns my and mine look innocent enough in print but their constant and universal use is significant. They express the real nature of the old Adamic man better than a thousand volumes of theology could do. They are verbal symptoms of our deep disease. The roots of our hearts have grown down into things, and we dare not pull up one rootlet lest we die. Things have become necessary to us, a development never originally intended. God's gifts now take the place of God, and the whole course of nature is upset by the monstrous substitution."

(Please don't stop here thinking this is all about giving away all you have and becoming a monk. It's much bigger and better than that.)

"Breaking this truth into fragments for our better understanding, it would seem that there is within each of us an enemy which we tolerate at our peril. Jesus called it 'life' and 'self', or as we would say, the self-life. It's chief characteristic is its possessiveness; the words gain and profit [Matthew 16:24-25] suggest this. To allow this enemy to live is, in the end, to lose everything. To repudiate it and give up all for Christ's sake is to lose nothing at last, but to preserve everything unto life eternal."

He goes on to reference Matthew 5:3, "Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God." He says, "The blessed poor are no longer slaves to the tyranny of things. They have broken the yoke of the oppressor; and this they have done not by fighting but by surrendering. Though free from all sense of possessing, they yet possess all things. 'Theirs is the kingdom of heaven.'

Tozer is not saying that to be "spiritual" we will not be blessed with things, he is writing about the tyranny of the need to possess things, the tyranny of allowing anything to become so important to us that it dethrones God and becomes central in our passions, desires, thoughts, and pursuits. Before I continue with that thought, I want to interject that "things" may be just that "things"(house, car, furniture, toys) but it is really anything that becomes so central in our lives that God is NOT. Things may be prestige, relationships, accolades, praise of man, power, position.

The central storyline in this chapter concerns Abraham's heart when God called him to sacrifice Isaac, the promised son. Tozer writes, "God let the suffering old man go through with it up to the point where He knew there would be not retreat, and then forbade him to lay a hand upon the boy. To the wondering patriarch He now says in effect, 'It's all right, Abraham, I never intended that you should actually slay the lad. I only wanted to remove him from the temple of your heart that I might reign unchallenged there. I wanted to correct the perversion that existed in your love. Now you may have the boy, sound and well. Take him and go back to your tent." Abraham's heart was tested, the roots of possession were ripped out, and he was now free to love his son freely with God on the throne.

Tozer continued, "I have said that Abraham possessed nothing. Yet was not this poor man rich? Everything he had owned before was his still to enjoy: sheep, camels, herds and good of every sort. He had also his wife and his friends, and best of all he had his son Isaac safe by his side. He had everything, but he possessed nothing. There is the spiritual secret. There is the sweet theology of the heart which can be learned only in the school of renunciation."

I love this line from chapter two and have found it to be true through many life experiences, "Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed."

What does all of this have to do with impending change? Sometimes even the adventure of change means letting go of something, someone, some place, in order to go with God. To go with God in peace, He has to dwell on the throne of your heart. In releasing all else to Him, knowing He loves me, knowing His perfect will is always the best, knowing He is sovereign, I know I can follow Him wherever He leads me and He will keep safe all that I've committed to Him.

I will end with a closing word and prayer from chapter two of The Pursuit of God. "If we would indeed know God in growing intimacy, we must go this way of renunciation. And if we are set upon the pursuit of God, He will sooner or later bring us to this test."

"Father, I want to know Thee, but my cowardly heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without bleeding and I do not try to hid from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus name, Amen."

To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn. There is a Season...

Today as I talked with God about my life, purpose, and what I need to be doing in this season of life, He had a talk with me about not being focused. I tend to be scattered in my objectives at times. I am usually reading several books at once, throw in a few other devotionals, and a couple of magazines. I want to make numerous improvements in my life. I want to cook more new healthy recipes, learn more about photography, take a watercolor class, take more pottery classes, learn to play the guitar, sew more, learn a little Spanish for our trip to Guatemala, get all of the photographs, scrapbooks, and recipes in order. I can't ever neglect my time for prayer and journaling. Add these to my most important priorities and objectives: Time with God, my husband, my kids and grandbabies. Oh and cleaning house occasionally and trying to be more consistent in my workouts. (The list is more extensive, but I don't want you to thing I'm a total mess.)

The result of my shot-gun shell spray kind of life is that I dabble in everything and become proficient at very little. So from time to time God has to sit with me and help me narrow my focus for a season. I don't know why I think I have to do it all at once as if I knew for sure I wouldn't live into the next year.

Most women who've been wives and mothers understand that during our childrens growing up years the time available to spend on ourselves is very limited. We want to meet the needs of our family and enjoy them so it's not something we begrudge at all. During those years most of us served on school committees, Team Mom for many sports activities, and served God in some form of ministry or at least something similiar to these. Then you get to these middle years and the kids are grown, married and having families of their own and you now have time for all of these things you've put off. And in my case, it's essentially the first time since I was eighteen that I haven't had a full-time, stress-fill job to go to on top of it all. So, here I am trying to define myself, my purpose, my dreams. Books tell me that this is my time to do these things; that it's a privilege I've earned.

Because I can shoot in so many directions, I have to start every morning by asking God what He has on my agenda for the day, where am I to focus. There will be other seasons to accomplish some of the things on my lists. I don't know if any of you are in this place in life, but after the talk God and I had this afternoon and the direction He gave me, I am expecting tomorrow to be a more productive day even with keeping grandbabies the next two days. (And that makes it not only productive but fun, a little more joy added to the day.)

Thank You God for blessing me with my family then and now. Thank You for allowing me the years to spend with my husband and my boys. These precious memories are irreplaceable. Thank You for this new season with more time for my husband and I to share and make many new memories. The empty nest has been a lot of fun for us. Thank You for grown sons, their wives, and the most precious grandbabies ever and the blessing of watching them make their own lives together and growing in their walks with You. Most of all thank You for loving me. I love You too. (Thank you Beth Moore for sharing the Word on "I love You too.")

http://www.lifetoday.tv/qt/2010/01/100120.htm

Glory to God

It's been quite some time since I've sat down to write on this blog. It's not that there hasn't been plenty to blog about. There has been too much going on. Most has been of a private nature and I don't feel free to go into details, BUT I do want to share that God has been doing great things. Of course, that's His nature~doing great things. He does great things in the small things and great things in the bigger things, and great things in the huge things. We've been experiencing a little of all of it.

Regardless of the circumstances, it is always amazing to stand back a moment and realize all He's been doing not only in the circumstances, but in the people involved, and in myself. I don't believe that God causes all the bad things in our lives, or that they are His ultimate will, but I do believe God will use whatever we're experiencing, wherever we've failed, whatever has been done to us, whatever is painful for our ultimate good and for His glory. There are choices involved though. We must choose to submit to Him, yield to the working of the Holy Spirit and actively choose to allow Him to work all things out for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. (Romans 8:28) Most of that involves nailing "self" to the cross and choosing to let Him be Lord over us and Lord over ALL. "Self" has a tendency to get in the way of God. One or the other is on the throne and as long as self is on the throne, life will be chaotic. The throne is not a two-seater. It's not a throne built for two. Just One!

During this season God has been teaching me so much about Believing Him and trusting Him no matter what the physical realm circumstances may be screaming around me. He is always at work and there is much activity going on in the spiritual realm that we are not as aware of. Oh, we may get glimpses, but I've never seen with my eyes, even my spiritual eyes, all that is taking place. His Word tells us that faith is the substance of things hoped for, things yet unseen. (Hebrew 11:1) I have been on a journey to have faith in what God has spoken to me and faith in the God who spoke them, regardless of circumstances. This is an area I've grown in over the years, but God and I are going to an all new and deeper level than ever before. The faith journey can be at times wearisome, but the faith journey is exciting!

I've been praying for God to move some mountains. Last week I prayed for Him to shake the ground. The night I prayed this, one of the situations I was praying over came to a new level of conflict. I cried out to God and ask Him what was going on? He spoke to me in my spirit saying that He was indeed shaking the ground, that things hidden where coming to the surface as preparation and as a part of moving the mountains. My tears dried up immediately and I praised my God for shaking the ground and the movement that was taking place to move the mountains.

I hope I haven't rambled and confused anyone, but there really has been so much going on. The details may be personal, but His workings and manifestations are to be proclaimed from the rooftops. Glory to God in the Highest!!!

Mondays~
New day, new week, new beginnings, new opportunities.
"This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it!"
Psalm 118:24

I Choose, He Enables and Empowers

God has been teaching me this big lesson lately.

I MUST CHOOSE AND
THEN HE ENABLES AND EMPOWERS ME.

So many times I feel defeated in my walk with Christ and wonder why the power of the Holy Spirit is not evident. Recently He spoke to me that I must make the choices (freewill) and then He will empower and enable me through the Holy Spirit to walk it out.

Sounds simple. =)

Predictably Unpredictable

I've been sitting here this afternoon having a cup of hot tea and reflecting on this past week. Living in the part of Texas that we live in, we are blessed with diverse weather. Last weekend was absolutely spring-like beautiful! Kerry built me a couple of new flower boxes to edge the yard. I started planting flowers in patio pots, but not in the flower boxes. Knowing how quickly the weather changes, I didn't dare plant anything I couldn't move out of the weather into the shelter of the patio. And as predictable as our unpredictable weather is, a cold front came in and we've had cold rain and some ice all week. I won't complain though, because we don't get enough rain through the year as it is. So Tuesday night found us running out on the patio lifting heavy pots getting them out of the freezing rain.

We've had a couple of difficult weeks in an extended family matter, but God, as is His nature, has been faithful to hold us up and faithful to show us the way through with victory on the horizon. The thing about trials and struggles that always lifts me up and even empowers me is this truth: there is a greater purpose and when we have come through them, we are stronger, our faith is rooted more firmly and we have grown more in His likeness. We may not see the purpose and we may not see the growth, but it's there if we've sought God.

I am reminded of a very precious word God gave me from His Word after a very long and difficult battle several years ago. Luke 22:31-32 where Jesus is speaking to Peter just prior to the betrayal in the Garden and before Peter denies Him. He said to Peter, "Simon, Simon, satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I [Jesus] have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."

Our enemy, satan, is predicatably unpredictable. He will predictably attack us and try to pull us away or tear us down. His timing though is unpredictable. That's why Peter who knew not only the enemies tactics, but also the faithfulness of his God, could say in 1 Peter 5:8-11, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, stand firm in your faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kinds of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To Him be the power and glory for ever and ever. Amen." I pray God will be glorified in the way we fight the battles before us and that we will honor the sacrifice He gave for us by fighting the good fight in the strength and power of Holy Spirit.

Legacy of Prayer

A couple of years ago I was in a Bible study by Jennifer Kennedy Dean, "Live a Praying Life". I was so blessed by the study, that I went online, and being the book junkie that I am, I ordered several of her books, all of which were wonderful. But I wanted to share with you about one particular book today, "Legacy of Prayer, A Spiritual Trust Fund for the Generations". After being blessed with another grandbaby, I thought I'd pull this one out again. My prayers for my sons, their wives, and the babies were fueled with fresh passion and mighty purpose again. Let me share with you just a few nuggets from the Introduction and First Chapter.

"Prayer has no limits, no time limits, no geographical limits. Just as surely as we can provide for our children's present and daily needs through prayer, we can also reach into their futures, laying a foundation of blessings for our children, our grandchildren, and all of our descendants."

"Our prayers are more powerful even than our presence."

"We can leave behind for our descendants a spiritual trust that can never be stolen, squandered or lost. We can leave riches that will only increase in value. We can lay up a store of imperishable wealth."

"It is beyond our imaginations what prayer can effect in the earth. When God's name and His renown are the desire of our hearts (Isaiah 26:8), our prayers for our children, grandchildren, and descendants can be the catalyst that will cause His fame to spread to all corners of the earth."

She quotes E. M. Bounds, "God shapes the world by prayer. Prayers are deathless. The lips that uttered them may be closed in death, the heart that felt them may have ceased to beat, but the prayers live before God, and God's heart is set on them, and prayers outlive the lives of those who uttered them; outlive a generation, outlive an age, outlive a world."

Continuing with Jennifer's writings, "The answers to the prayers you pray today will be answered in the lives of our descendants at the right time. Those answers will be working in their lives as if you had just prayed them. Your prayers will put spiritual riches on deposit for them. They will have spiritual abundance from which they can make withdrawals as need arises. "

"The spiritual inheritance I will leave behind for future generations begins with my own walk with the Lord. As God is my fortress and my stronghold, part of the inheritance I leave-part of my estate-is my dwelling place."

I lost one of my sweet friends and prayer partners to cancer in 2006. She had two small grandchildren and as her heart broke over not being there for those little ones, she told me, "Trina, I've come to understand that even though I will not be here for these babies, my prayers for them are eternal." A year and a half later, I read Jennifer Kennedy Dean's "Legacy of Prayer" and I was once again sad at the loss of my friend but rejoiced that those babies lives had been saturated in the prayers of a grandmother they would never know. Of course, this brings tears to my eyes once more, but we all as parents and grandparents have the charge and privilege to go before the Father faithfully for every generation that follows us. Let's get on our faces before Almighty God for these precious ones coming behind us.

You can find "Legacy of Prayer" and other works of Jennifer's at http://www.prayinglife.org/catalog/books/index.htm

Marriage Enrichment

This past weekend my husband and I participated in the Focus on Marriage Simulcast presented by Focus on the Family. I have always pursued teaching and encouragement to enrich my marriage. After my relationship with God, my relationship with my life-mate is the most important relationship I have. I have to confess, second to the Bible, that I am a book junkie. I find no shame in seeking Godly wisdom through the wisdom of others, Biblically based wisdom, whether that be in deepening my walk with Jesus, expanding my prayer experience, enriching my marriage, parenting my children, enhancing my friendships, etc. etc. I enjoy retreats, group Bible studies, and the now popular simulcasts. I just love growing.

Back to the marriage simulcast. In attending the Focus on Marriage event, I was reminded of an older couple at what was our home church of many years. Gary Chapman's book, "The Five Languages of Love", had recently been released and our church had a couples night planned focusing on this book. Each couple, individually, were asked to complete a questionnaire based on this book that would help us determine our love languages, what most spoke love to us. After we completed the questionnaire we were to join with our spouse and compare and discuss our "love language". In attendance were couples who'd been married less than a year all the way to a few couples who'd been married 60 or more years. Awesome! I looked over and one of the couples, a small almost frail couple, who'd been married 64 years were all cuddled beside each other with their sweet heads nearly touching as they discussed their "love language". My heart was so deeply touched and it has always remained a visual reminder to me that we should never, ever stop working to have the most fulfilling, glorious marriage possible. You'd think that after 64 years many couples would think they knew all there was to know about one another and having a good marriage, but this sweet couple felt their marriage, that had stood the test of time, was worth their efforts to keep it alive and fresh. This little couple have since gone home to be with their Jesus, but they left a mark on this lady before doing so.

A couple of quick thoughts from the simulcast, without much elaboration.

What I am writing will most likely not be a direct quote. I can't write fast enough during a meeting to claim it was an exact quote. =) I am going to share a few of my perceptions from what a couple of the speakers said.

Gary Thomas, who wrote, "Sacred Marriage", brought to us the premise that God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy. That could stop you dead in your romantic tracks. I don't believe he was saying God doesn't want us to be happy, but that marriage has a far more profound purpose. It is in marriage and the challenges we face within that context, that our truest flesh natures can be exposed. We are confronted with our attitudes, selfishness, weaknesses, insecurities, impatience and the list could go on forever. As we recognize these in the light of day, being our marriage, if given the "go ahead", God can begin to, as my friends Rob and Tina would say, sandpaper off those rough edges .

Another powerful thing from Mr. Thomas, was this idea...I got married "to be loved". God put me in marriage "to learn how to love".

Beth Moore also spoke at the conference. One of the things that stood out to me from her talk was that in our desire for a "great marriage" we often miss the "good in our marriage". She said we have an infatuation with idealism, causing us to overlook and miss the blessings of the "good". She also reminded us not to be passive about our marriage, fight for it when necessary.

Del Tackett spoke on creation and God's divine mark on marriage. But one thought he left with wives was that our husbands need our respect like we need their love. He pointed out, too, that we wives should not "mother" our husbands saying that it wasn't honoring or respectful to do so. My husband is not one that I could presume to "mother", but it's always a good reminder. He already had a mother and she and his dad blessed me with a wonderful man to be my love and covering.

One last thought for us wives from "Enhancing Your Marriage", a women's Bible study by Judy Rossi. A wife is essential to her husband and to all he was meant to become. Again, not as his mother, but as his help-meet and his balcony person (the person standing in the balcony of your life cheering you on-Joyce Landorf Heatherley, "Balcony People").